Themes

I grew up preparing for the apocalypse. These letters trace what happened when I chose to live instead of just survive.

They explore courage (where this journey begins), freedom (breaking the patterns that bind us), connection (learning to love without armor), and meaning (what makes it all worthwhile).

These aren’t neat categories—they overlap, contradict, circle back. But they’re the questions I keep returning to as I fumble toward something like wholeness.

Start wherever you are. Maybe you’re asking the same questions.

Courage

11 essays

I grew up preparing for the apocalypse. My childhood was defined by my father's fear—of nuclear war, economic collapse, the end of everything. At 16, I had to choose: follow him to a farm in the Australian outback, or stay and build the life I wanted despite the terror. These essays are about that choice. About taking the first step when every instinct screams to run. About beginning without a map, making decisions in the face of uncertainty, and learning that courage isn't the absence of fear—it's living past it. This is where my journey begins. Maybe it's where yours begins too.

Featured essays

Fear Sounds Like Wisdom
Living Past Fear
I Didn't Think I'd Make It

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Freedom

14 essays

For years, I chased freedom—the kind that comes from working remotely, traveling the world, controlling my time and location. I achieved it. And I was miserable. That's when I discovered a different kind of prison: the mental conditioning that keeps us trapped even when we're "free." The invisible jury judging every choice. The fear of mediocrity driving endless achievement. The belief that whoever cares least wins. These essays are about breaking free from the stories we've been told about success, productivity, and what makes a life worth living. About recognizing the conditioning we didn't choose and deciding which beliefs actually serve us. True freedom isn't just about what you're free to do. It's about what you're free from.

Featured essays

When Discipline Becomes a Weapon
The Illusion of Freedom
The Cost of Survival

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Connection

10 essays

I built my life around independence—proving I didn't need anyone, keeping score in relationships, withholding my heart to maintain power. My father taught me that survival meant isolation. That trust was dangerous. Marriage is teaching me something different. These essays explore what happens when you stop keeping score. When you risk caring more instead of less. When you let love pull you down from anxiety's clouds to solid ground. They're about the courage it takes to be truly known, and the wholeness that comes from integrating your past so you can connect fully in the present. This theme is emerging as I learn that the armor that once protected me now keeps me from what I need most: to love and be loved without condition.

Featured essays

Fathers and Brothers
Our Only Choice
Power Is Not Love

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Meaning

9 essays

I spent years optimizing my life—more freedom, more achievement, more control. Then I'd reach my goals and feel... nothing. Just emptiness, and the question: "What's next?" Achievement builds confidence. But it doesn't build meaning. These essays grapple with the deeper questions: What gives life significance beyond success? How do we face death and still find joy? Why does faith offer something secular self-improvement can't? What remains when everything else is stripped away? From Orthodox priests to hospice chaplains to billionaires who've lost everything, I've sought wisdom from people who've wrestled with these questions longer than I have. These essays are my attempts to learn what actually matters—and to live accordingly. Not what I want to achieve. But what makes the achievement worth it.

Featured essays

Befriending Death
Achievement Isn't Enough
Living in Truth

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