Dear friend,

Last week, I received a text from my former boss that challenged me to answer a simple question: What kind of man do I want to be?

He’d sent a screenshot showing that a big brand had reached out because of an article I wrote. The intention was good Look what your work did! a message we used to exchange all the time when we worked together.

But we don’t work together anymore.

I felt a complicated mix of emotion swirling within me. I felt pride for my work but, even more strongly, I felt anger.

Does he think we can just skip past the part where he shattered my trust and return to being buddies?

I stared at the message for ten minutes. And in that time, an old habit reared its ugly head: the urge to make peace at the cost of truth.

Maybe you know that feeling too, the one that justifies an urge to share your reality with the claim that, “It’s not that important, I don’t want to make a scene.”

As for me, I learned early that peace mattered more than truth, and that lesson followed me into adulthood like a shadow.

Whether it’s telling a friend how I really feel or naming my needs at work, part of me stills fears the same old thing: rejection.

Avoiding disapproval has been the highest priority of the boy in me who just wants everyone to like him.

No more.

I knew I couldn’t respond with the usual, and I didn’t, because the man I want to be doesn’t choose harmony over honesty.

Maybe this isn’t just my work story. Maybe this is where we all areforever standing in the space between what’s easy and what’s right.

How many times have I chosen harmony over honesty? And what would it cost to never choose it again?

I hope you’re well.

With love,
Ryan