I lay on the mattress, hand outstretched, body convulsing, tears streaming.
I can't. I'm sorry.
I apologized to my father. To my friends. To everyone that I could not be everything for.
I surrendered to God, asking Him to take what I could not.
That night I had a dream. Jesus appeared, and He struck me. No pain, just shock.
And I went out to the garden and sat on the garden box, stooped over the flowers, scooped dirt into my hand. And I wept.
I wept at the beauty, the joy, the Goodness of the world.
And I woke up.